COME FLY WITH ME!!

    

    It was quite a few years ago but I one time had to go on a business trip to Cleveland.  I was flying out of Newark airport in New Jersey.  The ride to the airport was uneventful.  I park, get to the terminal, and find my gate.  The problem began when boarding.  As I approach my assigned seat I see that someone is already in it.  To this day I still remember the seat number, 22F.  So I said "excuse me sir but I think you're in my seat".  He tells me no that it is his seat.  In those days we all had boarding passes so we take them out to compare.  Sure enough we were both assigned to 22F.  

    At the time they were called stewardesses and we summon one to help straighten out our seating.  She looks at our tickets and our boarding passes and determines that yes in fact someone had made a mistake.  So she looks around the plane and tells us that unfortunately there is no more room in coach and that one of us will have to fly in first class.  Well, she didn't even need to complete the sentence when I was well on my way down the aisle and headed to first class.

    I had never flown in first class before so I figured this is going to be a treat!!  Turns out that I was seated next to a Catholic Priest.  That was a little disappointing since I had just bought the latest edition of Playboy Magazine that I intended to read, that's right read, on the plane.   Out of respect I kept the magazine in my carry on.

    About an hour and a half or so into the flight the pilot came on the loudspeaker to tell us about how the weather was in Chicago and to let us know how long we had to go before landing.  I turned to the priest and said "he made a mistake right?  We're going to Cleveland".  The priest explained that no in fact, we were headed for Chicago.  I looked him right in the face and without thinking I said "oh shit, I'm on the wrong plane."

    So once again I call for the stewardess who confirms that yes indeed I am on the wrong plane.  We land in Chicago and I go to a counter to explain what happened.  They can't deal with the issue at the gate so they send me to someone's private office.  I meet a man and explain the story.  He says that it's partly the fault of the airline since they really should have checked my ticket and boarding pass  and tells me that they are not going to charge me for the flight to Chicago and they are going to give me a free ticket back to Cleveland.  He hands me a new ticket but tells me that the only problem is that I'm going to have a three hour layover.

    OK, no problem, so I go find a bar to hang out in for a while.  I sit down at a bar and after a while a young girl comes in and sits next to me.  We strike up a conversation and it turns out that we had both just finished reading The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings series.  It also turns out that she was just returning from one of the Caribbean islands and she had stayed at an all inclusive resort with some friends.

    It's important to understand that she was coming from an all inclusive.  The reason is that staying at an all inclusive gives you an opportunity to try out a bunch of exotic island alcoholic drinks without paying as you go and she had done her share of experimentation.  So while discussing the inner meaning of Lord of the Rings she tells me about Singapore Slings and a bunch of other drinks and we begin to experiment again.  Needless to say after a couple of hours I was three sheets to the wind.

    I start to realize that I needed to start heading toward my boarding gate but I also realize that someplace along the way I had lost the new ticket.  Back to the guy's office I go.  I walk in probably swaying and he has on a topcoat and hat getting ready to leave for the day.  As best I can I explain that I can't find the ticket he had given me.  He very patiently takes off his hat and coat and hangs them up on a coat rack.  He takes his keys out, unlocks his desk, and takes out an 8 1/2 x 11" pad of paper.  He writes something on the paper, folds it in half and staples it with three staples presumably so I can't read what he had written.  He tells me to go down to the gate and to hand the gate people the note.

    I never found out what the note said.  I kind of thought that maybe he had to include some sort of authorization code or something like that that he didn't want me to see.  Either that or I figure it said something like "just get this guy out of Chicago.  I don't care what plane he gets on".  So I go down to the gate and line up.  Everyone else is handing over a boarding pass as they board the plane.  I hand the agent a hand written note which she opens, reads, and then allows me to board.  To this day I am the only person I have ever known or heard of that boarded a plane with a hand written note.

True story.